12. I am thankful for my friend Stacy. Today was a hard day for me. I went to the first birthday party of an adorable baby girl. There were so many cute kiddos there playing and having fun, and it made my heart ache. Stacy was pretty much, and most likely without knowing it, the one thing that kept me from crying the whole time I was there. We talked about how cute the kids were, judged and made fun of people, joked about how bad our kids were going to be be because we were being such horrible people, chit chatted about nothing and had a good time. Thankfully, I had a bunch of bird poop on my car, so after the party I called my parents to see if they were home so Jake could help me wash my car. They were home, so I went over and Jake cleaned the poop off, then I hung around to chit chat with them, which lead to an invitation to dinner and that kept me pretty well occupied until now. So far I haven't cried yet, but I have a feeling it's still coming. I want kids, like a year ago. I just don't want to have kids until we are a little closer to me being able to stay home with them at least part of the time. I also want to have a more permanent living situation. I moved a lot in elementary and middle school, and it wasn't fun. Moving helped me to be the outgoing person I am now, able to talk to people and make friends pretty much anywhere, but I don't necessarily want that for my kids. I have always been jealous of people who have know someone their whole lives, and who weren't expert packers at the age of 15.