I don't usually watch the news. It is depressing, a little scary sometimes, and makes me want to fling myself off a bridge, except then I'd be one of the idiots on the news that I make fun of. So instead of flinging myself from a bridge I avoid the news and stay blissfully unaware of world events. If it's not on a social media site or I don't hear about it at work, it can't be that important.

However, with the Olympics going on I have ended up watching the local news in between the morning coverage and the evening coverage a couple of times. And let me just tell you I live in a special city, Orlando, the city beautiful. I'm pretty sure this place is just about anything but beautiful. Please see the following evidence.

A woman finds a man wearing only underwear in her home.

A former teacher is charged with 126 counts of sexual battery.

26 men were arrested in a sex sting.

A man crushed the skull of a 4 month old.

Two women abandoned a 1 year old when they got caught shoplifting crap from walmart.

Orlando, keepin' it classy since 1885.