It’s Mental Health Awareness Month, so you know I’m gonna talk about mental health.

I’ve struggled with mental illness for most of my life. Once I figured out I needed to get help, I asked a friend who I knew had been to therapy for a therapist recommendation. It took me a long time to craft an email to the therapist, then I had two or three people read it for me to make sure it sounded ok. It was two sentences long. I was literally just asking if she had any availability for new adult patients. She did! Thankfully we meshed really well right away. I know that if we hadn’t, I would have probably given up. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done. My time with my therapist was so helpful, and when we moved and I had to stop seeing her, I cried. I still cry sometimes because I miss her so much. I want to know how she is, what she would say to help me through my regret of blowing up my life, and how to rebuild my decision-making confidence. I also want to know about her home renovation; and what finishes she picked. What does she think about the current Broadway Across America season? I would even play with a sand tray, which I don’t fully understand, to try and figure out what to do next.

Right now, I am not okay, and that’s okay. I am struggling with regret over our choice to move to the woods, and I don’t know where to look for jobs or houses. I’ve made so many pro/cons lists, that I’m surprised there are any notebooks left in all of Southwest Virginia.

On days that I struggle to function, I try to do some of these things: sleep, rinse off in the shower, brush my teeth with toothpaste, eat food, drink water, go outside with Lucy, and/or snuggle Lucy.

If I have a little more bandwidth, I will try to cook food, because I like cooking, go get coffee from somewhere other than the kitchen, wash my hair in the shower, read or listen to a podcast, pick up around my room, take pictures of glimmers (small things that make me smile) and/or text my friends.

It’s okay to be sad, I just try to jazz it up with a little glitter. Depression, but make it festive.

Sometimes you have to do bizarre things to get through the low times, like eating a snack in the shower with dim lights, air pods in a shower cap with a washcloth tucked into the front to block even more light, but also allow for your cheese stick to be accessible.

And sometimes you take meds. You are not your diagnosis. A diagnosis is just a tool and starting point to help you find the way forward with medical professionals and/or a therapist. Sometimes therapy alone gives you the tools you need, and sometimes you also need meds.

Psych meds have changed my life. I get out of bed because of my meds. These three little pills help me have good days where I get to do the things I enjoy, check off my to-do list, take everything showers, talk to my friends, go out in public, make plans, and generally do normal things.

They aren’t magic though, some days are still hard. Sometimes it still takes a lot of effort just to get out of bed and eat a meal. Some days I can’t focus long enough to read or even watch TikTok videos.

But most of the time, my meds keep me out of my depression pit, and for that, I am extremely grateful.

You can click here to read more about my mental health journey.

I hope that you feel able to reach out to someone if you need to. It can be a text, a postcard, a letter, an email, a phone call, a coffee date, or anything that you are comfortable with. You matter, you deserve to be here and take up space.

You are loved.

If you need support and don’t feel comfortable talking to someone you know or prefer the help of a professional, call or text 988 or chat at 988Lifeline.org