Over the last few months I have acquired quite a few new plants, I blame the ‘rona. I have also kept a few plants alive for over a year and a couple for FIVE years, so I figured it was time for an update/plant tour.

Meet my oldest plants: Crown of Thorns, purple succulent, ZZ Plant (got cut off a little), Desert Rose, and Peace Lily. I have had these plants since 2015/2016 and they are all still ALIVE! That pink and green plant is long dead, ignore her.

All of these babes have been repotted, some several times, but it’s time to repot again. Crown of Thorns hasn’t bloomed in a few months, but that big girl has some scary thorns and I am afraid of her. My purple succulent is barely purple now, and needs a new home badly. I am just so nervous because I know I’m going to lose a decent chunk when I move them because I am not a very skilled propagator. Next the lovely desert rose. Desert Rose is very special because it was a Christmas gift to honor the memory of my late Aunt Barbara. Last summer it bloomed and almost immediately a storm blew the blooms off. Right now it has 3 little blooms sprouting and as soon as they are out and blooming all the way I am going to move this babe to a safe place to keep it protected from the wind. Until then, it stays in the sun where it’s happy. ZZ is such a fun plant, I moved it to a slightly shadier spot inside and it is exploding. It has sprouted 4-5 new stems in like two weeks. Then my lovely Peace Lily, this was a congratulations/see ya later gift from my last boss when I moved into my current job. This beauty lived in my office at work until it outgrew the windowsill. Despite being repotted the most of these plants, she still needs a bigger pot or to be split or planted outside. I am incredibly proud of these survivors. I haven’t always paid consistent attention to my plants, so they have really fought to live under my care.

In February we bought a cart full of plants at Walmart. Mostly ferns, with a few other little cuties tossed in for good measure. You can see most of them in the picture below, in their new pots, happy, alive.

In April (yes, two months later) the ferns weren’t doing so well inside. I watered, I misted, I trimmed, I moved them closer to windows, away from windows, nothing made them happy. So I cleaned them up as well as I could, and moved them outside. The one on top was looking really close to death, and now it’s thriving and filled with sleeping lizards every night. The bottom one, was still alright looking when I moved it outside and now it is dead. So who even knows what ferns want. Also these little shits grow in my yard for free and I didn’t realize that before I purchased them with my adult money.

I think hydrangeas are lovely and such a perfect casual fresh flower to have around. So I got this bush at Costco and kept the blooms going for about a month before they started to wilt. BUT it is growing new bright green growth, so my plan is to keep it as happy as possible until it’s not 40,000 degrees outside and then plant it in my yard. Cross your fingers, I need all the good vibes I can get.

I love gardenias. They are so pretty and smell so good. But this plant went down really quickly. Like two weeks and it was DEAD. I am devastated. Maybe when it’s cooler out I will try again and get it planted in the ground or a larger pot faster. I don’t know.

I just wanted to let you know that I have failed at lots of plants. So if you are struggling to keep your quarantine babies alive, you’re not alone. This cactus got too wet, then moldy, and then just fell over. Like a limp dick. Oops.

Never fear, I have a new penis shaped plant. Meet Mr. Hairy Ghost Penis. Is your garden even complete without a penis in it? I didn’t think so.

Ahhhh my lovely orchid collection. Orchids make me so happy. They are so exotic and beautiful and fancy feeling. I had this orchid table under a couple of trees, in filtered light, but it was just too damn hot for them outside. So I brought them inside and made my foyer the orchid room.

Most of their blooms have fallen off now, but I am keeping their leaves happy and now that the blooms are gone I will trim them up and repot them so they can bloom again. I actually have decent luck keeping orchids alive. I was hoping to build an orchid wall outside but now I’m not sure if I have anywhere shady and cool enough to make that work. I’ll let you know if anything like that works out.

These are some of my new quarantine plants. Meet (top left> bottom right) Swiss Cheese, Sea Grape, Cool Dark Green Wrinkled Triangles, Basil, Mr, Hairy Ghost Penis, Cool Light Green Wrinkled Triangles, Rubber Plant, Pilea, Aloe, Cacti fam, Circle Plant, Snake Plant.

Do you like some of these very scientific names? This is probably why I kill plants, because I have no idea what they are, which makes it hard to google how to care for them.

This is a box of brand new succulents and cacti that I bought in June. I accidentally left them outside in a rainstorm. They were drenched and some did not recover, including 12 Lithops that aren’t in this picture. I was so so sad.

These are a little over a year old and still kicking for the most part. I lost a couple of the little cacti and the flowers that were planted around the edge of the Dieffenbachia. It’s been a little touch and go with the Dieffenbachia, it got mad being outside, so I moved it inside and then it was really happy, then it got mealy bugs, but now it’s growing new leaves again. Such a drama queen.

Technically these are still alive, but they definitely aren’t happy. I might move these into a pot with another batch of succulents, and maybe inside.

These succulents were on our patio table during another fun summer storm and were knocked over and the middle and right planters fell on the ground. I lost a lot of plants in that storm, but some of these survived. It was basically a miracle.

I love the brown succulent, it feels like suede and is so unique.

And finally, my stunning monster of a Monstera. Just look at this girl. She is a beauty. and I loooove her. Also, hi little foxtail fern. My sister in law gave me a chunk of her Monstera and it has absolutely gone wild in just a couple of months. I need to get/make a moss pole for it to climb, but damn this thing is incredible. I love how big and green it is, and how much I smile every time I see it. Which let’s be honest, I am ordering so much shit from Amazon, I see this stunner every day when I collect my newest package form the porch.

I hope you enjoyed this plant tour/update. I know it was LONG, but I have a lot of plants now. And I almost know what I’m doing. Happy planting!