One year. A year since we exploded our life. A year since we sold our house in Florida. A year since I quit my job. A year since we put 98% of our stuff in storage, and moved in with my parents in Abingdon, VA., a tiny historic town in Southwest Virginia.

In the first few months we were in VA, we looked at dozens (no joke) of houses. We saw cute places that just wouldn’t fit our must have furniture, places with murder basements, and fell in love with one house that we were outbid on twice. I hope those new owners get ants.

We were losing hope after that house didn’t work out, so we shifted our focus to adventures. Over the last year, Christopher and I traveled to Detroit & Grand Rapids, Michigan; Ontario, Canada; cruised around Alaska; Seattle, WA; Greenville, SC; Knoxville, TN; Tampa, FL; Lexington & Wilmore, KY; Albuquerque & Farmington, NM; Durango, CO; Providence & Newport, RI; Natick & Plymouth, MA; Raleigh & Durham, NC; Blue Ridge, GA (twice); Laguna Niguel, CA; and Disneyland + California Adventure. Plus, almost monthly visits to Orlando. That added SEVEN new states to our list of states we’ve visited together, bringing us up to 25 states and Washington DC.

About four months ago I think I really realized I am not a small town girl. Something everyone else knew, but no one told me. I’m stubborn and probably couldn’t have been convinced that I wasn’t this person, but damn y’all. My future small town self was going to live the simple life, grow some shit, walk around town with a coffee like I’m an extra in Gilmore Girls or Hart of Dixie, or some other CW/WB show set in a southern small town.

Instead, I’ve tripped on the bricks in the sidewalk and fallen on my face more than once, so now I’m afraid it will happen every time I walk to get coffee so I started driving the three blocks.

I take a cooler with us anytime we leave town in the car so I can bring back my favorite foods from Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods, and Publix. I started occasionally driving 35 minutes each way to get a taste of home at Huey Magoo’s in Kingsport, TN. Bonus points for Kingsport because right down the street from Magoo’s there is a 7 Brew Coffee, which I love.

A lot of days I feel like this was a huge mistake, and we must be completely unhinged. But, the summer weather here has been delightful. The other day I sat on the porch for hours because it was only 69 degrees out in AUGUST. As someone who abhors sweating, this is the most glorious summer weather of my life. I don’t know what kind of Appalachian black magic is making this possible, but I’m here for it.

A few other highlights from the last year

Growing lots of veggies

Almost daily deer sightings

Going to the County Fair

Our first time flying first class together

Seeing as many of our Orlando Broadway season shows as possible. Of course we renewed our season tickets a month before we decided to move.

Lucy and Jasper becoming pals

We all miss Jasper and his sweet demeanor, he was such a good little buddy. I especially miss dressing him up to match Lucy.

Axe throwing for my dad’s birthday.

We went to and experienced a Revival at Asbury University in Wilmore, KY.

Dad, Christopher, Jacob, and I all drove up to Lexington, KY where we revivaled and did a little sightseeing. This was my first trip back to Wilmore since we lived there in the 90s, so it was cool to see the town.

Hosting a tea party in celebration of the Coronation of King Charles III & Queen Camila.

A larger than average number of silly snack taste tests with the family.

Inventing the best Dairy Queen dessert of all time! A peanut buster parfait, add peanut butter sauce. It’s amazing.

And last, parking lot dates to watch the horses play. I get a personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut and Christopher gets sushi from the grocery store. Then we park in a hotel parking lot and watch these cuties play in their field.

We’ve had a lot of fun adventures over the last year. I’m grateful that I’ve been able to join Christopher on his work trips, go on a couple of vacations, and visit family in Florida.

Between the adventures is where things get hard. I feel like a failure. I feel like I’m disappointing everyone. I feel stupid for giving up on something reliable just because I hated it. I feel behind. I feel sad and anxious. I feel like giving up and settling for whatever is available next, but I know deep down in my heart or soul or somewhere that giving up is not a great plan.

I have slowly started applying for jobs. I have applied for four jobs, no response from the first one, quick “no thanks” from the second one, made it to round two of application review on the third, but no interview, and the fourth job did interview me, but no offer. I know changing careers is going to take time. I need to be ruthless in my pursuit of something I’ll enjoy or at least hate less than my last job. And also treat this process like I’m a privileged white man, apply for everything even if I’m only tangentially qualified. That’s my plan.

I miss my stuff in storage, specifically our bed, couch, and the rest of my clothes. I miss not living in the constant clutter of having your whole life in one room. I miss having routines, and a yard for Lucy to play in.

I’m homesick. I want to go home. But home isn’t a place right now, so I’m just longing for something that doesn’t currently exist. It’s rough, and I hate it.

This year has not worked out how I thought it would, and that doesn’t make it bad, but it certainly has been hard.

Have you ever exploded your life? If so, leave us any advice you have for this tumultuous journey we’re on.